Just another day… or is it?

The 23rd March is just another day in my diary, another date on my calendar and for most people bears no significance or meaning. This year it sits neatly in the middle of the week, a Wednesday, “hump day” as it’s often referred, with the promise of the weekend and family time on the horizon.

Here in the UK, we are seeing the first signs of the longer days, lighter times, with outdoor activities and BBQs to look forward to, we wash our garden furniture down and sweep our patios as part of our spring clean. Even the phrase “spring clean” conjures feelings of being fresh and renewed. New energy to come out from our hibernation and brave warmer nights outside with our friends and families.

The roadsides are littered with daffodils, puncturing our journeys with pockets of joy. Reminding us of the power of Mother Nature to resiliently continue our path. However, the 23rd March is more than a metaphor for me, it is a date that is etched with so many emotions. The reminder of my ability to continue my path, with resilience, and strangely I find strength.

Allow me to share why it is my resilience reminder. The 23rd March is my son, Joshua’s birthday, his 20th birthday, or should I say would have been. Josh arrived joyfully in a bit of a hurry in the morning, at home. The day was like today, with the warmth and smell of spring, a little brother for my other son. I can recall my joy and gratitude that he’d arrived perfect and new. My tiger mother instinct swelling with pride and love. Little did I know a month later he would no longer be with us. Taken too soon, after contracting a mystery virus, and following three nightmare weeks at Great Ormond Street Hospital, we said our goodbyes on 23rd April 2002, ironically St George’s Day.

Every 23rd March I can never really anticipate how I will “be”. Some years Josh’s birthday buzzes by and other days I am wracked with reflection. On this 20th anniversary, I am genuinely struck by how the 23rd March 2002 was such a permanent crossroads in my life. Absolutely it has shaped my personal circumstances, I was blessed with another son a year later, however, the entire experience shaped the very essence of me as a mother, as a friend, wife, and colleague. It shaped who I became, who are my friends and closest allies, and who I am now. Only more recently have I become aware of how resilient this powerful experience has made me.

In the early days, each day felt like learning to walk again, just putting one foot in front of the other and seeking reassurance from my close friends that it was ok to laugh again. I had a strong community around me, however, some people did not know how to talk to me or deal with my loss, even crossing the road on occasion. Everyone’s experiences are personal however I quickly realised that I did not want to be a victim, not in sadness or in the shadows, or to be the poor lady whose baby had died. I had two choices to either give up or flourish and take what positives, as ridiculous as that sounds, from my experiences. I wanted to know that Josh being here, even for such a short while, had made an impact, he had made a difference. I was privileged to have kind beautiful people around me, (you know who you are) and my community pulled together to help me with my mission. To mark Josh’s life.

So, with determination and Josh beside me in spirit, I set myself a mission to fundraise for Great Ormond Street Hospital, and with my wonderful friends and family, we have raised over £45,000 for GOSH over the years. Initially, we were able to fund a ventilator for the Intensive Care Unit and more recently general support and fundraising to help their continued wonderful work.

Alongside my commitment to make Josh’s life significant, I now realise I reshaped myself. My fundraising energies led to career and study opportunities I never considered prior to his arrival. Studying a Masters Degree and becoming a teacher, supporting other children and young adults to make their mark became my mission and this has progressed into wonderful wider career opportunities. There wasn’t a plan, this wasn’t how I imagined my career would flow to. However, I enjoy a fabulously rewarding position working as Director of Learning & Development. A role where I can continue to focus my energies on supporting our teams to create and develop quality tutoring support for children, championing the importance of tutoring for disadvantaged pupils.

I am incredibly proud of my three boys, Adam, Joshua, and Oliver. I know I have instilled in them some of my resilience to keep going, the importance of friends and family, and above all, I hope they know my unconditional love. My two boys continue to thrive and fill me with immense gratitude and pride for the wonderful young men they have become. They know if they have shown up and tried their best then that’s all that we can ever hope for.

We all have significant anniversaries for so many reasons, dates that take us back to happiness or pain. What did we learn? Perhaps we need to consider people around us and try to be aware that it could be a resilience reminder day for them too. For me the 23rd March, can never be “just another day”. It is a poignant day of reflection, my resilience reminder but also a day for celebration and joy. Joshua would be 20 today, a young man now, embarking on his adulthood. At least I know he made a difference. I like to think of him as my very own star, and on his gravestone, it says:

“I tiny star lent not given,

To shine on earth and twinkle in heaven”

Our children are precious, go hug them a bit longer. Shut down that laptop, put down your phone, go kick that ball, push that swing, or bake that cake with them. Don’t let 23rd March be just another day for them either.

Georgie McIntyre is Director of Learning and Development for The Classroom Partnership you can follow her Twitter: @georgie_mcint and LinkedIn